Whether you have known me for a week or for 25 years, you know about my passion for Pinterest. It is the topic of conversation at some point with every person that I come across in any given day. When people share with me that they just 'don't get it', I have a laser pointer in my pocket ready at a moment's notice to show you the brief presentation that I have created about it. It includes pie charts & graphs generated to help your understanding on why it should be a crucial ritual in your daily routine.
First and foremost, if you like to shop but you are also playing the responsible spouse until the next time you can put your husband in a nookie trance and can gain access to the credit card, Pinterest is the place for you. I can 'shop' for hours every week pinning trendy items to my multiple boards. When I get the green light to use the card (sometimes with permission and often times not), all I have to do is find the right board, then click on said coveted items and buy them. Click, click - mine.
If you need ideas for your next soirée, Pinterest is the place for you. I LOVE a good party, but I always feel the need to take each event to the next level. I am a female after all - hear me ROAR {and, try to outdo BettyAnn's party from last month}. There are ideas on there for any theme that you can possibly imagine! If you want to host a A Tacky Sweater Biker's Gala For Swingers And Their Swinger Pets, there will be ideas on Pinterest to help you make this event a success. It is like you have a direct line to Martha Stewart and she whispered in your ear exactly where to hang those handcuff chandeliers and where to fasten the mirrors on the ceiling. Thank you, virtual Martha.
If you have a passion for decorating for the holidays like me, Pinterest is the place for you. This is undoubtedly where I waste the most time in my day. Decorating ideas. Sigh. I will find an idea and pin it to a bloody pulp. On trend right now is deer and tartan plaid decor for Christmas - and, trust me, I am onboard. In every corner of my home. There is no mistaking that I have a fondness for either if you come to my house. There are rustic deer staring at you in every nook and cranny. It gives me great joy.
In my decorating adventures like Dora the Stay At Home Mom Explorer with my sidekick Chase the Sapphire Credit Card, I discovered blogs where women do holiday home tours. Every year. "Please click here to check out Rustic Granny's 2016 Home Tour at her farmhouse in Fur Knuckle, West Virginia" the pins seem to murmur to me as I see that we share a devotion to the rustic deer in every room fad including the guest bathroom. I click on pin after pin of her amazing home. The use of an antique grocery cart from Safeway as a magazine rack that she got at a flea market for $278 is genius. Pure genius. Fuck - these old bitties can decorate.
I always walk the perimeter of my home wondering if I, too, could pull off a holiday home tour. Then, I catch a glimpse of an RPS. What is an RPS you ask?!!! Random Pile of Shit. My house is littered with them. For every adorable decoration I have out, it is offset with 1-3 RPS per room. With two kids, you would think that it would just be their RPS's. Yeah - no. My husband has just as many as the kids. Then, I faintly hear the stale arguments that my Mom and Dad used to have over his RPS action all over my childhood home. You will be happy to know that they did come to a resolution - 20 years later. When I would return home from college break for a holiday, I saw that she had designated a corner of the breakfast buffet in the kitchen for his RPS. That was his only allowable RPS space. I mean - the spot was measured and everything. My kids and husband are too young to be trained, so I will patiently await the day that I can limit their RPS clutter to a measured corner in their rooms upstairs and out of view.
I always argue with myself - often out loud. How can I possibly do a holiday tour of my home like The Chippy Shabby Matriarch without avoiding a sighting of an RPS in every shot. Then, I realized those old bitches are clearly mocking me with their preset dining table of Lenox China and homemade candy cane napkin rings. They have the great fortune of having grown children and half of their friends are dead so that no one messes up their table setting. I do not have that luxury. So, fuck you and your perfect farmhouse, Ruth. Here is MY realistic holiday home tour.
1) Let's start with my formal dining room, shall we:
What you would ALSO see in my formal dining room:
My children have conveniently chosen to use the formal dining room for daily picnics. I love that they have picked this area since there is nothing of value in here. Please note the huge bucket of toys and the table of treasures that include Gap scarves from my college days and a jelly purse circa 1984. True treasures.
2) Let's move on to the study, shall we:
What you would also spy in the study area in my home:
This lovely compilation is just a small sampling of what lies behind the desk. The couch is piled high with my husband's files. The lovely paper shredder is usually front and center should you walk past the office - you know the very first space you walk past when you enter our home. Right off the bat, your first impression is The Beverly Hillbillies work here. When I know that guests are coming over, I quickly push this random mass safely under the desk.
3) Next up, let's check out the kitchen:
What you would also see in my home should you venture into the kitchen:
One of my favorite attributes of my family is the ability to not see trash sitting on the kitchen counter in plain sight. My husband never EVER throws out empty milk cartons. It is as if they go invisible to him once the milk is gone. He, then, ever so conveniently just leaves it on the counter for me. SO thoughtful. The same goes for empty pizza boxes. Yay. Our kitchen also serves as a small vet hospital to our four dogs. Their multiple dog bowls permanently reside in our kitchen sink and their daily meds eternally remain on the kitchen counter. Which makes PERFECT sense since I am so low on cabinet and drawer space in said kitchen. We have 24 drawers and 21 cabinets - yes, I counted.
4) Moving onto our family room:
What you would also happen to see out on display in our family room:
Yes, come on in. Take a seat. Place your beverage on the coffee table. Relax. Take in the ambiance. Oh, wait - you can't. The couches are encrusted with holiday toys. The coffee table is plastered with Christmas toys and books. Oh! And, watch your step because there are arbitrary baby doll land mines in every single direction that you turn.
5) Want to see a grand tour of the hallway!?!?!? Sure you do!
My husband seems to mistake the master bathtub for a hamper. Every day. It is actually my fault. The wicker hamper basket is two feet away. A clear handicap.
Now, onto the most exciting part of all of my blog posts! A yummy cocktail recipe!!!! I am going to share my Par-Tay Nog recipe again with you because it is, after all, my most favorite Christmas cocktail of. all. time.
Par-tay Nog is not just any kind of egg nog - it is my Mimi and Pampa's recipe. It was, then, passed along to my Mom. What it is pertinent to know is that my grandparents live in Louisiana and raised their children there... If you know nothing about Louisiana, you know that no other state creates a week long holiday around a party. They do not take their parties or booze lightly - if you are old enough to put your quarter on the bar, you can drink; they have drive-thru daiquiri huts that consider a 'closed container' duct tape over the straw; it is perfectly acceptable to drink at brunch, lunch, and dinner every day of the week; learning to drive drunk there is not frowned upon, it is an art. SO, trust me, when I tell you - Par-tay Nog is not to be taken lightly in any way, shape, form, or fashion. You serve it knowing that your guests will probably feel numb in their extremities after they consume it! Here's the recipe (serves 30):
24 eggs, separated
2 cups of sugar
1 quart of bourbon
1 pint of brandy
1 quart heavy cream
2 quarts of milk
1 quart of vanilla ice cream
Beat the egg yolks and sugar until thick. Add the bourbon and brandy and stir thoroughly. The liquor "cooks" the eggs. Add the cream and milk and continue whipping... Break up the ice cream and add it in. Beat the egg whites until stiff and fold them in... Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes before serving it. Sprinkle lightly with nutmeg before serving it to your guests! Cheers!
