BLACK {thumb} FRIDAY

I don't know if you are like me, but I have a black thumb.  Never heard of it?  It is the antithesis of a green thumb.  I was never meant to care for plants because they die under my watch - don't ever ask me to watch your home over the summer inclusive of lawn maintenance.  Ever.  I am pretty sure that as I saunter past the plants in my own yard, they wilt behind me.  Plants quiver with fear as I cruise by them at any nursery or 'garden section' of a Home Depot or Wal-Mart.  The irony in all of this is that we have two of the largest terra-cotta planters ever made by mankind in front of our door on the porch.  Why did I buy those!?!?!  I knew that I could never successfully plant and keep anything living in them?!?!?!?  Was I drunk that day - can never count that one out?  Was it a dare by my husband?  My ailment makes me sad and jealous every day as I patrol by my neighbor's perfectly planted topiaries on the way to my girls' school.  I feel as if THEIR plants are taunting me and singing "This is never gonna be you...  never gonna be you...  never gonna..."  (this tune goes to En Vogue's 'My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It')...  I hear plants like '90's jams best.  I lamented and lamented over this for years...  Until one day, I decided to start putting out 'fake greenery' in both my planters and on my porch during the holiday months.  And, guess what?!?!?  They don't taunt me NOR do they die on me.  In fact, I actually get compliments on my porch decor now!  This post is for YOU, my fellow black thumb Mommas.  Here is how to have a fab holiday porch sans any plants that actually require water, light, or any of your attention.

Guess what those are in my glorious planter?!?!?!?  Christmas floral picks from my favorite place on Earth -- Le Dollar Tree! Side bar - you might think that I live at Dollar Tree.  I don't...  Sadly, the General Manager turned down my request to put out a sleeping bag in the holiday aisle.  Boo.  Back to the planter - how fun and easy is that to buy some holiday floral picks that fancy YOUR taste and arrange them in your planter!?!?!?

Take anything that is already out on your porch and deck it with garland - you can get yards and yards of this stuff at Dollar Tree or Big Lots - be creative with where you put it!

Vintage is IN.  Whether you go over to your grandmother's home and raid her attic, you hit a Flea Market, OR if you are local to DFW and head to Trade Days one weekend - stock up on vintage pieces!  I happen to go to Trade Days in McKinney every month.  I bought that milk jug, those ice skates, and watering can all at Trade Days.  The great thing about Trade Days is that their stuff tends to be cheap AND you can negotiate.  ALWAYS ask if they will take less - I got all three of those pieces for a steal!  All pieces are highlighted by more Dollar Tree floral picks!

Close up of watering can and floral picks...

You know how every year you go into your garage and pull out your Christmas stuff, and there is some stuff that just looks ghetto!?!?!?  You think it's time to retire that limp, sad, half working Christmas tree to Christmas tree heaven...  DON'T!  Put it on your porch!  Last year, I had my ghetto tree in a red wagon; this year I have it in a vintage wheelbarrow...  If you already sent your ghetto tree to Christmas tree heaven, no worries!  Mine was given to me from a neighbor that no longer needed hers, or there are constant posts on garage sites literally giving away half working trees for FREE.  Go get them!  Put them out on your porch - it will add some much character, and it does not require any water, food, or attention!  This is another great opportunity for you to use any of your overage ornaments that you have just stashed in a box in your garage - deck that ghetto tree!  DECK. IT.

Look at ghetto tree looking all ghetto fab at night!  There is a section of it that no longer works, so I have strategically placed garland over it.  The garland covers up the nonworking portions so that ghetto tree is not embarrassed when people drive by and look at her...  Now that we have fully decked our porches with nonliving, maintenance free plants, let's have a drink!

What is more appropriate for a Black Thumb Momma than a Black Currant Cosmopolitan!?!?!?  SO. YUMMY.

2 oz of Vodka
2 oz black currant juice
1 oz orange liqueur
1/2 oz lime juice
1 oz simple syrup

Combine the vodka, black currant juice, orange liqueur, lime juice, and simple syrup in a cocktail shaker and fill it halfway with ice.  Shake vigorously until the outside of the shaker is frosted.  Strain into a glass coated with a sugar rim (add black food coloring to your sugar for some extra panache).  Cheers!