Vintage Value

Vintage is beyond trendy right now - it excites AND baffles me all at the same time.  I peruse Pinterest and wonder how the crap laying around in my grandparent's attic/home has become so in vogue.  I personally relish in it for nostalgic purposes - I am getting to retread adorable holiday items that were popular when I was a CHILD!!!!!  It is a daily struggle for me not to drive to Lafayette, LA and hit my grandparent's attic for everything I see sitting on shelves for insane prices.  I know my Mimi and Pampa wouldn't miss it - any of it.  They do not even know about 85% of it.  It has been sitting in some crusty crevice for over 40 years simply because our grandparents never throw ANYthing away.  In fact, mine still use a deep freezer in their garage from 1962.  I am pretty sure that their Whirlpool washer and dryer set were the original manufacturing design built over 50 years ago, and they STILL WORK.  When I enter their garage, it looks the exact same TODAY as it did when I was 8-years-old.  They have the exact same record player in their formal sitting room that I used to hook huge earphones up to so that I could listen to the musical CATS.  They have the same velvet furniture that I used to sit proudly on with my cousins in our matching smocked holiday outfits.  I love going there and returning with that smell from their house on my clothes as I open my suitcase.  As I walk flea markets and vintage gigs, I can't stop smiling as I run my fingers over retro chic items.  Then, I look at the price.  Holy Mother of God.  They want what for THAT?!?!??!?!?!?  Legions of sellers are hip to the fact that these dusty goods are gold, but there are still some exceptional deals out there if you are willing to hunt a bit!

This is a vintage Valentine's wreath!  I went to the antique market in downtown McKinney and bought about 15 different vintage cards from a booth for .25 cents each.  I bought a plain wire wreath at Hobby Lobby along with a set of small glitter paper clips in the craft section - I get tons of compliments on it!  It was inexpensive, easy, and has a very distinctive appeal!!

Another fun and affordable item that I use throughout my house are vintage bed springs.  You can buy them in various sizes, and they add instant height and character to the pieces you place on it!

SOOOOOO, I am having an affair with vintage scales.  I own it.  I love them.  I cannot get enough of them.  I pet them.  I cuddle with them.  I spend hours and hours playing with them - ooohhh, does THIS look good on it or would this look better??!!?  It borders on unhealthy and my husband might call a psychiatrist on me if I refer to them as 'my precccciouuusssss' one more time, but I will accept my fate.  In fact, I might even get some good drugs out of it!?!??!!?  In the meantime, I am advising you to invest in a vintage scale!  Or, four.  OH, the possibilities with them!  I have several, and I use them all over my house!  Above are two examples of how I have them staged for Valentine's Day.  WARNING:  you will need to hunt for good deals on the scales - I scour flea markets and such for good prices on them.  There are people out there asking for $80+ for them, but I have not paid more than $20 for any of mine!  MY PRECCCIIIOOOOUUUUSSSS. 

Another hip piece to own is a vintage, chippy wheelbarrow for your front porch.  The best part is all the charming possibilities that you have for it throughout the year!  I currently have tons of huge glitter hearts, felt hearts, and chalkboard hearts in it from the Dollar Tree!  The chippy wheelbarrow is another red hot item.  I only paid $15 for mine, but it took some time to find one - look around at flea markets, garage sale sites, and antique markets!  I promise that this will be an item to invest in!  Since we are chatting retro and grandparents, let's learn how to make a good old fashioned Manhattan!

My Mimi and Pampa's house is magical to me.  As a child, I got to turn in my favorite foods list to them for my visits - for all of the meals!  As an adult (or, perhaps a "few years" shy of drinking age), I got to turn in my alcoholic beverage list to my Pampa before I arrived.  They call The Manhattan "the king of cocktails".  And, my Pampa is The King of Bartenders.  He has a fully stocked bar at. all. times.  In fact, I would go visit my grandparents in Louisiana for every Spring Break when I was in college at Texas A&M.  It was just a short 4 hour drive and totally worth it!  The wildest party that I have EVER attended in my life was with my grandparents at their friend's home.  They have parties for everything including impending hurricanes.  The oil industry is a tight business, particularly if you are a geologist - geologists are the "fun ones".  TRUST ME when I tell you that my Pampa and his cronies could teach kids these days a thing or two about hosting the mother of all keggers!  

Ingredients:

1 ounce of Bourbon

1/2 ounce sweet vermouth

1 tsp of maraschino cherry juice

Mix ALL of the above ingredients in some ice or a shaker and drink it up!!!  Laissez Le Bon Temps Rouler!!!    

Leftovers Should Be Left Alone, Right??!?!!?

There are things out there that are extremely polarizing - you love it or hate it.  I feel one of these topics is leftovers.  I have never met a person that was just 'so so' or wobbly on their feelings about leftovers.  You can take my Dad as a perfect example.  The man is a machine and could eat 8,000 calories per meal.  This did not include pre-meal snacks, post-meal snacks, or desserts.  I am in no way exaggerating - not only does he eat ALL day, but the man would eat anything.  My Mom was a phenomenal cook - outstanding...  But, like all Moms, she had her busy days and would throw out some quick meals.  I detested these meals.  These meals formed my opinion on leftovers.  The only person that ate them was my Dad.  I am fairly certain that if she had served him warmed-up dog shit with gravy poured over it, he would have consumed it with a smile and his usual cheery compliment about this blessed meal in front of him...  These quick meals included heated up fish sticks and canned mixed vegetables.  I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.  Who the hell thought that throwing every nasty vegetable out there into one can was a suitable idea!?!??!  And, why do they still sell it?!?!?!?  My Mom would put out Ketchup, BBQ sauce, mustard, tartar sauce - anything to get us to consume these things.  My Dad did not need condiments to eat these 'quick meals'.  Sick-o.  My brother and I would drown our plates in sauces and desperately try to gag down these wretched morsel-beasts leering at us.  Fortunately, we had dogs and were always served milk with our meals.  You cannot distinctly see morsel-beasts floating in milk.  AND, I did the dishes every night - score.  My brother and I were Mensa-level geniuses when it came to disposing of these nasty meals.   The story would not end there though...  My Mother would carefully pack up all of the leftovers after EVERY. MEAL. into a few of her 458-piece set of 1978 olive green Tupperware.    And, there they sat in the back of the fridge unless we were low on snacks for my Dad.  I never understood how such a bright woman could not grasp the concept that this notion was a moot point.  If they were not TOUCHED by anyone other than my Dad - who is a subhuman food puppet and did not count - then, why in the hell would anyone eat them after they were stuffed back into the fridge!?!?!?!?!!?  As I grew older, I started to understand her need to do this goofy regimen every day.  My Mom was a hoarder.  Yup.  Hoarder Holly.  Miser Mindy.  Saver Sara.  Collector Colleen.  I can remember opening closets and wondering why she kept some of the items she stashed away...  She had drawers and drawers of make-up.  DRAWERS.  Dude, come on...  Then, I realized one day that I am just like her - the joke was on me.  Awesome.  I find myself squirreling away RIDICULOUS things.  I just cannot find myself able to part with some of the dumbest items.  And, I am here to say - neither should you!  I have decorations that are literally 20 years old or older.  They might be out of style, but I have found use for them; they might be trinkets or tokens or even some type of craft that my girls made, but I lovingly put them out!

I have kept all of the heart chocolate boxes that I have been given over the years for Valentine's Day from friends or Chris.  I know that sounds corny, but they are fun memories for me to remember when I pull them out!  This year, I put some of them in a vintage white cage and on my kitchen island for display.  In the past, I have even put them out on my mantle!

Over the years, I have acquired multiple heart banners and picks - instead of parting with them, I put them out in my china cabinets and curios!

I have several pieces that my Mom bought me when I was in college to decorate my apartment or house.  They are dated, but I refuse to part with them - I have them arranged this year in a cake stand!

This is one of my most treasured pieces.  I inherited the crystal gravy boat from my Mom.  She loved dishes, crystal, and fancy silverware.  She was also a remarkable baker.  I have displayed these heart cookie cutters that she used to bake with for me and my brother in the gravy boat that she used for special occasion meals!

I know that your kids bring home tons and tons of items and crafts from school and play dates.  I challenge you to save as many of them as you can.  As the years go by, I promise that you will smile and enjoy placing them out with your other festive decor.  I always store their specified holiday items with the rest of the decor for that holiday for convenience purposes.  AND...  Since we have been chatting about leftovers, let's learn how to make Trash Can Punch!

Ahhhh - Trash Can Punch.  A delightful and utterly low-class inebriant made famous by college fraternities everywhere trying to get the most bang for their weekend buck.  It gets it's name from the classy vessel that it is routinely stored in and served out of for parties - the trash can.  If you have never had the high distinction of sampling this delightful cocktail, then you have two options: either hit a college campus this weekend OR make this charming beverage yourself!  The above picture is clearly from a party of nobel quality since they chose to serve it out of a plastic cooler.

Ingredients:

1 bottle of Vodka

1 bottle of Tequila

1 bottle of Everclear

1 bottle of Jack Daniel's whiskey

Fruit (3 oranges chopped up and a bundle of grapes)

2 cans of pineapple juice

2 cans of frozen Minute Maid fruit punch

1 frozen can of apple juice

1 frozen can of orange juice

1 large bag of ice

Pour all of the above ingredients together in the most vulgar and seedy receptacle that you can find and enjoy with lots and lots of your friends that won't judge you the next day!  Eat the fruit last!  Cheers!

Dollar Store Whore

As aforementioned, I have an unhealthy obsession with Dollar Tree and the Dollar Spot at Target!  It is like my mother ship sending out a beacon to call me home every week...  Can't. pass. up. good. deals.  As always, these two places have not failed me for Valentine's Day this year!  As Kit says to Vivian (Julia Roberts) in Pretty Woman - "Work it.  Work it, baby.  Work it.  Own it!!"  This phrase staunchly applies to me as I enter the threshold of any Dollar Store or Dollar Spot at Target because I am a total Dollar Store Whore.  I may or may not EVEN have that Pretty Woman audio bit on my phone as I approach the Dollar Tree with hopeful exuberance for my next purchases (aka conquests).  It is an adrenaline rush unmatched by any other as I approach the double doors (child-free of course - ALWAYS child-free) and enter the sacred hollows of DT or Bullseye's Playground for the week.  Unfamiliar with "Bullseye's Playground"?!?!?!  Shame on you.  SHAME ON YOU.  Bullseye's Playground is the new, vamped up makeover for The Dollar Spot at Target!!  Bullseye's Playground is so choice.  If you have the means, I highly recommend you perusing one this week.  Lucky for you - I have put together a few of my fave V-Day finds from both places!

Bullseye's Playground had the above wooden sign with gold foil arrows and hearts - have I mentioned how much arrows are in right now!?!?!?  ;)

Dollar Tree has some great chalkboard and pallet choices for V-Day this year!  They have a huge chalkboard heart that you or your little one can write on and display.  They also have an adorable chalkboard pallet LOVE sign!  I bought a few of them to show you some ideas on how to display them - I have one in my china cabinet and another hung in a fun feather wreath!

Dollar Tree also has a really cute felt heart wreath that has so many fun possibilities around your house - I hung it on a china curio, but it would also look sharp on a door or displayed on a mirror!

I have to say that my fave find thus far are these large felt love letters at Bullseye's Playground.  They come in multiple colors (I only bought two of the color choices), and they are SO versatile!  You can either display them as decor, OR use them as a fun container for a Valentine's Day gift for your teachers!  They are only $1, and you could put a gift card or even a small box of chocolates in them!  If you are EXTRA ambitious, you can even buy them for your kids' classmates with a V-Day goody in them!  AND, as if these felt letters weren't darling enough, Bullseye's Playground has another surprise this season -- glittered ampersand's in multiple colors!  I bought the pink one shown above!  Since love is in the air, let's learn how to make the Love Martini!

Ingredients:

1/2 shot of Malibu Rum

1/2 shot Peach Schnapps

1/2 shot Citron Vodka

3 shots of cranberry juice

Mix the Malibu Rum, Peach Schnapps, Vodka, and Cranberry juice together in a shaker or like an empty Diet Coke bottle...  Pour into a glass of your choice!  On a special side note, this drink does wonders if you ever have a UTI - the mix of cranberry juice and liquor really knocks that issue right out for you ;)  Cheers!!

Valiantine's Decor

Let's have a moment of silence for my husband this afternoon.  The poor guy has to turn in his man card every year for four months.  In fact, any time you hear Taps playing, please put your hand over your heart and fondly think in remembrance of his manhood.  Starting in January, our house is smothered with hearts.  Starting in March, you can not enter a single room in our home without a bunny or chick eyeballing you...  In fact, I can hear him in my head right now - "That bunny is CREEPY.  Look at the way it is just staring me down..."  And, let's be honest, 90% of Valentine's Day decor is, in fact, what I like to refer to as cheesy chic.  I feel like Valentine's decor is stuck in the '80s like my taste in music.  It is shiny, sateen hearts with big, loopy eyelet lace that reminds me of my canopy bed as a child.  My house looks like it has been hosed down with huge glitter hearts. They remind me of my grade school hair and jewelry choices because I pined to be Madonna.  The fake red roses perched in a vase floating in those heinous heart-shaped rocks remind me of the 1980's drug stores trying to help men out with that perfect last-minute Valentine's Day gift.  I get it, Walgreens.  You were just trying to be a wingman to your fellow clueless man.  But, let's be honest, those fake roses probably instigated more arguments than their intended V-Day jubilation!  That same man most likely did not get to use the box of Trojans or Astroglide that he purchased WITH those fake roses.  Public Service Announcement - Rite Aid, please stick to pimping what you know best - prescription meds; not poon tang props.  I truly feel like Valentine's decor has not really evolved out of that cheesy chic genre.  Because of that, most men are really not keen on their house being draped with V-Day decor.  IF your husband is not willing to turn in his man card so that you can decorate your home for Valentine's Day, that's why I'm here!  1)  I am guessing that you have been together for 5 years or less...  Be patient.  He will eventually relent and give you that man card; they always do...  Neutering a husband can be tricky, but they always end up giving you their balls to carry in your purse in the end.  2)  I have created V-Day decor that can be a great compromise.  It is called Valiantine decor.  What IS that you might ask!?!?!?  The very definition of valiant is 'manly'.  Valiantine decor is essentially Valentine decor with a macho spin!  Genius, right!?!?!?!?  Here are some ideas to get your home V-Day ready without hearing a peep from your man!

This chippy red metal basket has been accented with gold antlers and a gold arrow.  It is a crisp touch to any fireplace mantle - all items were purchased at Hobby Lobby!  Arrows - like antlers - are IN!  There are a multitude of choices out there right now!

The above heart is accented with studs - the metal detailing truly helps to give a very effeminate symbol like a heart a nice masculine touch.  Additionally, I have put my conversation heart candles on antler candle holders this year.  The mix of a dainty candle on a robust holder looks amazing!  The stud heart pallet is from Hobby Lobby and the antler candlestick is from Kroger of all places ;)

I have taken a chippy tool box and accented it with hearts of varying sizes and colors - the unconventional mix looks really sharp together!

I have an antler vase with a conversation heart pick in it on my kitchen island...  The stark contrast really works here!  The antler vase and convo heart pick are both from Hobby Lobby.  * side bar on Hobby Lobby - everything I purchase there is for 50% off or more.  I look at the weekly coupon ad every week to know what items are half off.  If an item is not half off when you are there, it will likely be half off the following week.  If I find an item that is in a questionable category,  I ALWAYS ask a manager about it.  Truthfully, they give me the 50% discount most of the time; don't be afraid to ask!! *

I love this piece!!!  It is distressed, whitewashed architectural trim pieces on a pallet!  I mean - does it get any manlier than wood on wood!??!?!  I got this awesome piece at Kroger for $7.99!  Run - don't walk - and pick this up!  SO cute!

I love this picture that I found at Hobby Lobby last week!  It has Valiantine written ALL over it...  Even though it is your traditional heart artwork, it is NOT pink or red!  The gold foil and black really stand out, and it is femme without being nauseating...  I accented it with a gold XOXO piece that is also from Hobby Lobby.  Plus, I added a large antler that I got at an antique flea market in DT McKinney!  Now that we have decked our houses with semi-girly decor, let's have a drinky drink!  In honor of my sweet husband that has permanently left his balls in my purse, let's learn how to make a Suffering Bastard cocktail!

Ingredients:

2 ounces of light rum

2 ounces of gin

2 ounces of Ginger Ale

1 ounce lime juice

2 dashes of bitters

Fill a chilled highball glass with ice cubes ** note to self - I feel that it is super important to specifically use a highball glass here to praise ourselves for taking the high road on our politically correct decorating decisions today; we are SO respectful to our husband's feelings ** Add all of the above ingredients to your glass and enjoy!  Cheers!

  

Conversation Hearts Are The Spawn Of Satan

I think that whomever invented conversation hearts did it on accident.  It had to be an accident...  Did a large batch of chalk accidentally get dropped one day at a factory and some doofus thought it would be fun to try one of the chalk shards laying in a heap on the floor!??!?!  Or, did some archaeologist decide to lick a piece of petrified dinosaur poop one day and thought it was tasty!???!  I have always been curious about the ingredients in conversation hearts.  They truly taste like a crossbreed of petrified dinosaur poop and chalk with a pinch of flavor.  Just a PINCH of flavor though...  You would not want to overpower the taste of the chalk/petrified dinosaur poop flavor.  It would ruin your entire conversation heart experience.   They are so disgusting that I think they could be used in murder cases.  The good cop has tried his part with the interrogation and got nowhere with the serial rapist.  They have sent in the bad cop, and he, too, failed with his investigation.  The final and last move that the police department would have left is the conversation heart cop.  He walks in and places a bulk-sized bag of conversation hearts in the center of the table.  He leans in very closely and points the light ominously at the ginormous bag to make it appear even larger.  He, then, tells the murderer that if he does not confess, he will be condemned to eat conversation hearts for every. single. meal. in prison UNTIL he confesses.  The murderer immediately spills the beans.  BOOM.  I think that the CIA and FBI might even adopt a Convo Hearts Unit to assist in terrorist investigations.  The terrorists would start to whimper when that unit showed up knowing their fate...  If the taste of them was not bad enough, the sayings on them make the grammar nazi in me absolutely cringe.  I feel that the sayings on them are just further torture: URS FOREVER,  GOT LUV?,  SUP BABE,  HAY GURL,  UR A CATCH.  If they are going to taste like crap, then at the very least, PLEASE have some good sayings on them?!?!?!?!  How about: BIG DILDO,  HANDCUFFS,  BEND OVER,  WORK IT,  LOVE SLAVE, or KNOCKED UP just to name a few?!?!?!?  For years, I have felt that there was not even one single redeeming value to conversation hearts.  Until...  UNTIL I started using them for Valentine's Day decor every year.  And, lo and behold - they DO serve a purpose!  I love, love, love putting them out in various locations throughout my house.  Let me share a few ideas with you!  

Dough bowls are really in!  Rustic is also really trendy right now, too!  Above is a dough bowl with large convo hearts accented by pine cones and an antler - SUPER EASY.

Instead of a dough bowl, how about a wrought iron platter?!?!?!?  Or, really any platter that you own!  Simply fill any large platter you have with large convo hearts and accent it with a couple of antlers for effect!

Vintage silver - particularly tarnished silver - is really hot, too...  I purchased the above tarnished silver bowl at Trade Days last month for $2.  You can find these types of pieces at any flea market or antique shop.  It looks really nice with the colored hearts in it - the contrast of the tarnished piece and the bright colors really stand out!

The above two pieces are lidded decorative jars that I purchased in the deeply discounted aisle at Hobby Lobby for 80% off.  I use them both throughout the year with seasonal items in them.  The large convo hearts really stand out better than the small ones in my lidded items...

The above two pieces are probably my fave look...  I have taken two crystal pieces and accented them with both antlers and convo hearts.  I love the contrast of the fancy bowl adjacent to a rustic antler!

My kitchen island is always fun to deck out for the holidays...  I always use the same stock pieces, and I simply add current holiday flare.  If you have a cloche or lidded jar, simply fill with convo hearts and place them on display!  Home Goods has AMAZING prices on all of their glass pieces!

Do you have candles out in your home?  If you do, this is another easy display to add holiday accents to - the small, bright convo hearts really stand out next to the red candle.  Overall, convo hearts are disgusting, BUT they are a very inexpensive way to add Valentine's Day spirit to your home!  Now that your home is V-Day ready, let's have a drink...  To stay on topic with my opinion that convo hearts would be more fun with naughty messages, let's learn how to make an Afternoon Delight cocktail!

Ingredients:

2 ounces of vanilla vodka

1 ounce of white chocolate liqueur

1 ounce Cointreau

Combine all liquids in a cocktail shaker with ice (or, a large serving bowl filled with ice). Shake or stir with your daughter's play spatula until well blended.  Pour into a glass of your choice!  * Warning - this is a lot of liquor, so you may pass out after consumption.  I recommend that you just let your partner let off some steam regardless if YOU are coherent or not *  Cheers!