Conversation Hearts Are The Spawn Of Satan

I think that whomever invented conversation hearts did it on accident.  It had to be an accident...  Did a large batch of chalk accidentally get dropped one day at a factory and some doofus thought it would be fun to try one of the chalk shards laying in a heap on the floor!??!?!  Or, did some archaeologist decide to lick a piece of petrified dinosaur poop one day and thought it was tasty!???!  I have always been curious about the ingredients in conversation hearts.  They truly taste like a crossbreed of petrified dinosaur poop and chalk with a pinch of flavor.  Just a PINCH of flavor though...  You would not want to overpower the taste of the chalk/petrified dinosaur poop flavor.  It would ruin your entire conversation heart experience.   They are so disgusting that I think they could be used in murder cases.  The good cop has tried his part with the interrogation and got nowhere with the serial rapist.  They have sent in the bad cop, and he, too, failed with his investigation.  The final and last move that the police department would have left is the conversation heart cop.  He walks in and places a bulk-sized bag of conversation hearts in the center of the table.  He leans in very closely and points the light ominously at the ginormous bag to make it appear even larger.  He, then, tells the murderer that if he does not confess, he will be condemned to eat conversation hearts for every. single. meal. in prison UNTIL he confesses.  The murderer immediately spills the beans.  BOOM.  I think that the CIA and FBI might even adopt a Convo Hearts Unit to assist in terrorist investigations.  The terrorists would start to whimper when that unit showed up knowing their fate...  If the taste of them was not bad enough, the sayings on them make the grammar nazi in me absolutely cringe.  I feel that the sayings on them are just further torture: URS FOREVER,  GOT LUV?,  SUP BABE,  HAY GURL,  UR A CATCH.  If they are going to taste like crap, then at the very least, PLEASE have some good sayings on them?!?!?!?!  How about: BIG DILDO,  HANDCUFFS,  BEND OVER,  WORK IT,  LOVE SLAVE, or KNOCKED UP just to name a few?!?!?!?  For years, I have felt that there was not even one single redeeming value to conversation hearts.  Until...  UNTIL I started using them for Valentine's Day decor every year.  And, lo and behold - they DO serve a purpose!  I love, love, love putting them out in various locations throughout my house.  Let me share a few ideas with you!  

Dough bowls are really in!  Rustic is also really trendy right now, too!  Above is a dough bowl with large convo hearts accented by pine cones and an antler - SUPER EASY.

Instead of a dough bowl, how about a wrought iron platter?!?!?!?  Or, really any platter that you own!  Simply fill any large platter you have with large convo hearts and accent it with a couple of antlers for effect!

Vintage silver - particularly tarnished silver - is really hot, too...  I purchased the above tarnished silver bowl at Trade Days last month for $2.  You can find these types of pieces at any flea market or antique shop.  It looks really nice with the colored hearts in it - the contrast of the tarnished piece and the bright colors really stand out!

The above two pieces are lidded decorative jars that I purchased in the deeply discounted aisle at Hobby Lobby for 80% off.  I use them both throughout the year with seasonal items in them.  The large convo hearts really stand out better than the small ones in my lidded items...

The above two pieces are probably my fave look...  I have taken two crystal pieces and accented them with both antlers and convo hearts.  I love the contrast of the fancy bowl adjacent to a rustic antler!

My kitchen island is always fun to deck out for the holidays...  I always use the same stock pieces, and I simply add current holiday flare.  If you have a cloche or lidded jar, simply fill with convo hearts and place them on display!  Home Goods has AMAZING prices on all of their glass pieces!

Do you have candles out in your home?  If you do, this is another easy display to add holiday accents to - the small, bright convo hearts really stand out next to the red candle.  Overall, convo hearts are disgusting, BUT they are a very inexpensive way to add Valentine's Day spirit to your home!  Now that your home is V-Day ready, let's have a drink...  To stay on topic with my opinion that convo hearts would be more fun with naughty messages, let's learn how to make an Afternoon Delight cocktail!

Ingredients:

2 ounces of vanilla vodka

1 ounce of white chocolate liqueur

1 ounce Cointreau

Combine all liquids in a cocktail shaker with ice (or, a large serving bowl filled with ice). Shake or stir with your daughter's play spatula until well blended.  Pour into a glass of your choice!  * Warning - this is a lot of liquor, so you may pass out after consumption.  I recommend that you just let your partner let off some steam regardless if YOU are coherent or not *  Cheers!