I think that we can all agree that social media is the premiere way to advertise. It always suckers ME in... A few weeks ago, one of my really good friends clicked that she would be attending an egg hunt event, and it popped up in my main feed. It was not just ANY egg hunt mind you - it was a helicopter egg drop hunt. What the what!?!??!?! So many things started swirling through my mind.... Would they have an Easter Bunny piloting the helicopter? After all of the eggs are dropped, would they pop open all over the field with candy flying everywhere? I have personally done so many egg hunts myself that I happen to know that simply tossing them across a bush at the wrong angle can cause them to pop open. Would kids be held to a specific amount of eggs per basket? Where would they find a location big enough? I started reading the details and noticed that it was a church sponsored event. To this point, I have only done small egg hunts with my two girls with friends, family, neighbors, and their preschool. Since this egg hunt had such a cool factor AND was clearly a Christian event, it would be just like the dozen or so other egg hunts that we had been to over the past few years. Right?!?!?!? Ahem. One of my three friends going to this coveted event texted me yesterday morning, and we agreed on a time to meet. The actual egg drop started at 3:00, but we opted to arrive at 2:30 for an optimal spot in the field for our kids. The afternoon started out sociable enough with people honking and glaring at me because I was taking too long to retrieve my kids out of the car. I mean, how dare I block a public thoroughfare with my door for more than 30 seconds. The enjoyment continued as I was honked at even more vigorously because I chose to stand in a spot for my friend so that her car could be by mine. My manners were being questioned because I chose to park blocks away from the church on a neighborhood street and was attempting to save a space by my SUV. You would have thought that I was parked right next to the church by gaging these individuals' reactions to me waiting on my space thief partner in crime. I had my children with me. These mannerly souls ALSO had their children in tow. I briefly had to remind myself that we were going to an egg hunt and not an Insane Clown Posse concert. My friend arrived, and we started the ingratiating trek to the church grounds. The warm hospitality oozed from the rest of the public trying to reach the same destination. The jeers and impatient halts as we crossed the street with our children was really heart warming - I couldn't wait to see what else this day had in store for us. As we got closer to the field, we heard a man's voice blaring over the loud speaker giving instructions. The little ones were to go in the first egg drop round. The booming voice kept instructing the masses to allow all of the wee ones to come forward into the holding pen. My buddy and I slowly started to weave to the front of this crowd. After all, this is what we had been advised to do since we had children that were under the age of 4 in our care. The mob was ruthless. There was pushing, shoving, complaining, whining, exasperated sighing, and an overall impatient vibe leering in the air. And, I won't even mention how the kids were behaving... The thunderous male voice echoed out again across the loud speaker asking that all toddlers make their way up to the pen for the first egg drop. We began delicately weaving our way up to this destination. It took several minutes to move mere inches. I ceased movement altogether when an adult woman turned and nastily shouted - "MA'AM, I have NO clue where YOU think YOU'RE going, BUT you better stop right there." The sweet Mom apprehensively replied - "I am just trying to get my two year old up to the pen per the instructions." The Mom Beast then viciously scorned her for her attempts to move past her and announced - "Yeah, well, we ALL have kids with us. I don't know what makes you SO special." The poor girl just stopped in her tracks - defeated and shocked. I turned to my friend and told her that we should just stay put. I was rather concerned that this Mom in front of us had a shiv in her purse. If not, she had no problem using her crocheting needles on us should we enter her domain. Fortunately, the Mom with me is one of my dearest friends, so we just stood there and made the best of it.
Our kids were making hats with their baskets. One child had to use the bathroom, so we emptied out my bubble gum container so that he could urinate in it. MacGyver's got nothing on a Mom in a DEFCON potty situation. Things were looking up for this adventure minus the sweltering heat, sweaty bodies shoved up against us, the sound of "Mommy, when will the helicopter be here?" on perpetual repeat, stranger's baskets shoved into my back and legs, cell phones in my face as other patrons were trying to take pictures, and my unbroken plea for my kids to get up off the ground. Then, we heard redemption. The helicopter was heading toward us! Excitement filled the air as it began to circle above!
The Wizard of Oz voice blared out on the loud speaker yet again. The helicopter would not drop any eggs until everyone got off of the grass. It flew over several times awaiting the signal to begin unloading it's Easter treasures. The crowd was full of restless exuberance.
Finally, after several agonizing minutes, the eggs began to drop. After dropping a couple of bags, the mob starting asking - "Is that it? That's NOT enough! What is that - 400 eggs?" The level of competitive spirit got flipped to Mach Five. When we were finally allowed to enter the field to collect eggs, the populace raced out to grab them. It was anarchy. I personally watched multiple parents allow their much older children try to enter the field. They had to have staff stopping these parents and their kids clearly trying to cheat. By the time we made it onto the grass, nothing was left. The carnage was like no other. There were cries of pain. The air smelled of smoke, dust, sweat, and death. Chaos enveloped the field. Children were screaming loudly and rolling on the ground. It was an utter maze of destruction. It was a cemetery in the making - not even a half of a plastic egg was to be found. It was like a blackhole had devoured everything that had been on the ground in it's path. As I looked around at the open field of victims, I vowed to never be a casualty of an egg hunt gone wrong ever again. If I ever choose to participate in a public egg hunt again, I will arrive with my own ammo/artillery and do a proper reconnaissance of the perimeter. I will carry my own stuffed eggs in my purse to throw out just as my children touch the designated grassland. I refuse to be a casualty of PTSD at another egg hunt ever again!
We realize that it was not the church's fault. It was an overwhelming crowd that had not been anticipated. I later learned that the egg drop had to be stopped altogether right after we left. The horde refused to listen to the instructions and requests by the staff. We decided to memorialize the event by having our kids yell - "NO EGGS!!" in the picture by the event sign. As a reward for their heroic bravery and maturity over adults yesterday, we rewarded all of our kids with Bahama Bucks. The good news IS that I now know what to expect if our economy ever collapses and martial law is implemented thanks to this egg hunt. Thanks for the trial run, humans of North Dallas. It's just a bunch of plastic eggs, right!??!? Oh - and, Happy Easter!
As you can imagine, I came home yesterday afternoon in desperate need of a drink! Here's a simple, refreshing, and yummy cocktail to enjoy on Easter and throughout the summer!
Raspberry Beer Cocktail
Ingredients:
1 cup of frozen raspberries
4 bottles of Corona beer, chilled
1 container frozen raspberry lemonade concentrate, thawed (or, pink lemonade)
1/2 cup of Vodka
Directions:
In a large container, stir the four ingredients together. Serve over ice.
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