The Tipsy Decorator: I Suffer From PKRSD

I have PKRSD. It's a real condition. Post Kinder Roundup Stress Disorder. Like 57.5% of the population suffer from this ailment - it's legit. I would never make up a stupid acronym because I am feeling sorry for myself. I saw this on Dr. Phil. About 1% of the population is even at risk of death from PKRSD.

I am a neurotic person. I legitimately have severe anxiety. Don't worry - I am on really good meds. 'Be good pills' as my friend, Noelle, calls them. My Suburban should have a Celexa bumper sticker on it with a Nike swoosh underneath it. I tend to worry and over-obsess about completely mundane activities.

I am ALSO blessed with a Type AAA personality. If I am thinking it, I will say it. I have verbal diarrhea issues. I can't help myself - it pains me not to impart my knowledge on others - always in a ridiculously loud voice. What if the people down the hall also want to know my opinion?!?! I can't do lines or patiently waiting of any sort. Ever. If I see a line - anywhere - I die a little inside. I have to pick up my children early from preschool every day. The thought of waiting behind the overtly chatty Mom for 5 minutes as she asks about her child's day makes my eye twitch. It shouldn't bother me as I am the worst offender of this scheme. I probably take up 10 minutes of the teacher's time.

As you can imagine, I do not do change well. The thought of the same daily routine comforts me. I would have been an ideal candidate for the military - you know, minus the rigorous physical requirements and the whole getting up before 7:15 am thing. Oh, and living on a base without easy access to a mall or Super Target. Ohhhhhhh, and being told what to do. Yeah - no. Beyond all of that - solid military career person right here. The same activity - day in and day out - makes me so at ease.

Having said all of that - unfortunately, my oldest child also does not handle change of any kind well. She has been prepping this entire school year for Kindergarten in the Fall. She even has a fun song memorized about entering Kinder next year that she joyfully sings to me every day. As far as she and I were both concerned, we had this in the bag. We were ready! I had compulsively collected all necessary documents required to enroll her for Kinder weeks prior to the actual date that they were due. I even showed up at the school at 8:30 on the dot the very first day that registration started. In fact, Ashlyn was the very first person to be enrolled in Kinder at her school for next year! I should buy a cape! Not because I am Mom Of The Year - God no. Because I am Captain Obsessive. I excel at it.

Then, today came. It was Kindergarten Roundup day. As I walked into the school - this unknown universe - I had an immediate knot in my stomach. The minute we hit the door, she was ushered off to do story time in the library as I toured the school. She looked panic stricken as she entered the library. I had seen that look before - 4 years ago when I dropped her off at preschool for the first time. The tour could not have ended fast enough. I was feeling overwhelmed & regretting my decision not to hide a flask in my purse. As I went into the library, I saw her sitting way in the back - her eyes were the size of saucers. She looked immediately at ease when I stood behind her. When the story ended, she rushed up to me and just stood there with her arms around me. I knew that we were both having the exact same emotions about this impending change - fear.

I bravely put a smile on my face as I drove her to school this morning. I took her into her class - taking in the familiarity of this preschool that has been our home for four years. When I got into my car, I just sat there & cried. I can remember having a busy two year old at home not all that long ago and rolling my eyes when my friends posted about how much they cried the first day of Kindergarten. I remember distinctly saying that I could not wait for her to be in Kinder because that would mean more free time for me! I would do a leprechaun side kick as I left the elementary school on that first day. I even had my outfit and the bar that I would head to after drop off all planned out. Well, that day of reckoning is almost here, and I am not ready. I thought that I was - I'm not.

When I picked her up from school today, her teacher mentioned that she had not been herself. She had a tough day. When we got home this afternoon, I held her and we cried together. Reality has hit. This is happening. True to Captain Obsessive nature, my mind started racing... If sending her to Kinder is this hard, how the fuck am I going to handle her going off to college?!?? That is only 13 years from now. I will pick up Collin County Community College pamphlets tomorrow. I better encourage that now.

I realize that I am neurotic. I realize that I am obsessive. I realize that I am a control freak. I realize that I am getting marginally closer and closer to menopause. I realize that I may possibly need more meds with a tequila chaser in my future. But - these are our people. I have laughed and cherished the trials and tribulations of raising young humans with friends, teachers, classmates, and the staff at her preschool for four years. This place is a second home. I know that there are so many more memories to come and life will move on. But, for now... For tonight, this Mom needs a seriously stiff drink! Possibly even a Marlboro Light... Dammit - why didn't I think of that earlier today?!?!?!?!